anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
