My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
