Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
