Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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