dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize