a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
