i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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