Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
