Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
