Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
