I cannot find my penis.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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