so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
