Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
