I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
