they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think my moral compass just broke
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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