Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
