Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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