You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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