so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
