Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
