I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
