the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
