If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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