Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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