i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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