I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
