I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
