Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
