peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
