you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
