she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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