We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
