Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Less talking, more tequila
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
