is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
