dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
