Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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