i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
