I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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