Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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