Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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