I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
