dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
