Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
