I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
