I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
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Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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