Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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