I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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