I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
