she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
