I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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