Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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