Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
