Do you still have your period?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
