On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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