I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
