Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
