you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
