Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
