I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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