He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
