your parents love me but you hate me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
