If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
