I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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