6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
