I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
