the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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