Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
