Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
