yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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