New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
