Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
