she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
