So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
