dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
