I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
